DEFINITIONS

1. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. My mind works like lightning......one brilliant flash and it's gone.

4. The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling too.

7. A husband is someone who after TAKING THE TRASH out,
gives the impression that he just cleaned the WHOLE HOUSE.

8. My next house will have no kitchen...just vending machines and a large trash can.

9. The only thing wrong with a beautiful drive to work is that you still end up at work.

10. A blond said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off,
I was relieved when he told me that all I needed was turn-signal fluid."

11. I'm so depressed...My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra.
He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

12. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how
he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be
cured and he didn't need to write a will. He said,
"Will? What will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite."

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